Take care of YOU - Self-Care for Those with Dyslexia/LD and for Those who love them 

Self-care is important for individuals with dyslexia/LD and also for those who love them.  

Taking the time to care for ourselves on a daily basis is a good investment in keeping healthy both physically and emotionally. One of the best ways we can do this is through reducing and learning how to more effectively manage the stress in our lives.  Many of us with dyslexia/LD and those of us with loved ones with dyslexia/LD are not immune to the negative effects of stress in daily life. The continuous effects of negative stress can affect both our physical and emotional wellbeing. Therefore, it is important to exercise good self-care so we can be the best for ourselves and for those who love and depend upon us. 

So how can we begin to reduce the level of stress in our lives? When it comes to managing stress, even small changes can yield big results and make a big difference in our outlook on life.

Some stress is positive but too much can be very draining.  Positive stress, or eustress, is considered good stress. It is the stress that motivates us, and keeps us going to get things done in our lives. If we feel the effects of too much stress in our lives, however, we may feel out of balance, overwhelmed, and have difficulty managing.

Too much stress may produce physical symptoms. You may feel fatigued from working at your max on the job or preparing for the next IEP meeting, and may experience headaches, rapid heartbeat, shallow breathing and muscle tension. You may feel run down and prone to frequent colds and other ailments due to the effects of prolonged stress on your immune system.

Everyone handles stress differently. Some of us are able to let it run off our backs, to distract ourselves, work through it, and let it go, and some of us internalize this stress and bring it home with us. Perhaps we have difficulty sleeping at night.  How do you handle the stress in your life?

Stress has an impact on your ability to function effectively in your personal and work relationships. You may be feeling a lack of support from your employer or from those you love. You may feel frustrated with yourself. You may find yourself making more mistakes on the job and feel overloaded and anxious about your abilities. You might experience anxiety or panic over work deadlines and your ability to meet them. You may feel disorganized and not able to “get it together” yet afraid to speak up and advocate for yourself.

You may experience a whole realm of emotions due to the stressors in your life. You may feel frustrated with yourself. You may feel lonely over not being understood. You may try to repress your feelings and keep them inside, or you may feel anger towards yourself and others and may lash out. You may feel guilty about lashing out at others and then experience feelings of self-loathing, sadness, and depression.

Are you unemployed and having difficulty initiating the job search because you feel defeated and overwhelmed with the process before you’ve even taken the first step to begin? You may ruminate and worry about your finances and the future. Are you really hard on yourself?  Do you feel like you have more negatives than positives in your life? Does any of this resonate with you?

Some of the ineffective ways in which many people react to this accumulated stress is by self-soothing through binge eating or undereating, overworking, substance use or by shutting down, which may begin a vicious cycle of ineffective coping, poor physical health and self-loathing. A person may also become isolative, avoidant and afraid to share what’s going on inside them. 

Are you interested in living a more full and meaningful life? Learn how to apply the science of Positive Psychology in your life through Psychologist Barbara Fredrickson's Positive Psychology course offered through Coursera (The course is free unless you'd like to pay a fee for a verified certificate): https://www.coursera.org/learn/positive-psychology

It makes good sense to take care of your physical and emotional needs so that you can build up your reserves to be your best self. Here are some additional suggestions on how you can begin to care for yourself. Deciding to start somewhere, through making healthier choices, will make a difference in your ability to deal with the negative effects of stress in your life. 

Medical/Physical – If you have not done so this year, make sure to schedule your regular medical, dental, vision and other checkups including routine laboratory tests by age.  Your doctor won’t come looking for your so it’s up to you to take the initiative and to communicate any concerns you may have about your health to obtain any needed care and support.

Emotional – If you are experiencing stress as a result of your dyslexia/LD, narrow down the causes.  Are they work related?  Are you comfortable speaking to your boss about this? Could it be time for a tweaking or change in accommodations you may be receiving in the workplace? Have you tried any new ways to improve your situation?  Here is a good list on types of workplace accommodation from LDA: http://ldaamerica.org/job-accommodation-ideas-for-people-with-learning-disabilities/ . By openly speaking to your employer about your needs and concerns, you have the ability to work together by discussing ways to tackle any difficulties you might be having on the job. Read this informative booklet by Ask JAN (Job Accommodation Network), on how to request and re-negotiate accommodations with your employer: https://askjan.org/Eeguide/EeGuide.pdf

Is your stress relational? Are you feeling undo pressure or criticism on the job?  Would you prefer to speak to someone impartial before going to your boss?  Is there tension at home?  Perhaps you might benefit from taking advantage of the counseling benefits of your EAP (Employee Assistance Program), with a professional who is familiar with helping those with learning disabilities. If your company doesn’t have an EAP, you might consider obtaining a private list of counselors/psychologists from your insurance company who can direct you to a provider who has experience working with adults on stress management and relationships, with an understanding of those living with dyslexia/LD.

Diet -  How is your diet?  What are you eating and what is eating you?  Sometimes stress may cause some people to eat for emotional reasons by binge eating or not eating at all. This may be also true of the Individual with Dyslexia/LD.  Discussing your feelings surrounding your LD with a counselor might be helpful as he may suggest more effective coping techniques. Consulting with your physician or a nutritionist is a good idea too. Eating a variety of healthy foods in moderation and limiting your caffeine intake may also help you to feel calmer.

Exercise and Relaxation -  In addition to keeping our bodies in shape, an exercise program may help to clear our minds and decrease our levels of stress.  Exercise helps to increasing our endorphin and energy levels contributing to our emotional well-being.  Including exercise into our daily lives does not have to be complicated.  Walking is a low cost and effective way to release stress and strengthen your body. How about trying a Yoga video? Consider signing up for a dance class. Join a gym. Explore Tai-Chi and other types of movement activities. Want to relax? Try guided meditation. Would you like to try some breathing techniques?  Try this new breathing app. My Calm Beat: https://www.mybrainsolutions.com/mycalmbeat . Trouble falling asleep? Try this app - Relax Melodies/Sleep and Yoga: http://www.ipnossoft.com/app/relax-melodies/.

Hobbies.  At a loss?  Think of something you would like to try.  Get in touch with your creative side.  Take a hands-on class in painting or work with ceramics. Woodworking? DIY projects at home?  Getting your hands into something may help you to get out of your head if you are feeling overwhelmed and stressed. Switching gears and focusing on something totally different and pleasurable can help you to feel refreshed and ready to take on the next day. Like comedy?  Visit a comedy club, or just watch funny videos with the family. Let yourself laugh and forget about some of the things that drag you down! Sometimes you just need to walk away from it all and give yourself permission to take a breather. It is often the small and simple things which provide the greatest pleasure. 

Learning -  Education occurs throughout the life span and is beneficial for your brain and self-esteem.  Learning a new task or skill can help you to feel more accomplished and may help to raise your level of self worth.  Take the time to explore something new that you’d like to try and avail yourself of the numerous low cost, free and open source courses online. EDx is one free option (unless you choose to pay for an official certificate of completion) - https://www.edx.org, Coursera is another https://www.coursera.org/. Udemy is a paid service - https://www.udemy.com/, but often offers discounts on course offerings.   Learning new things helps to stretch your mind. This is a good thing, and as most courses are self-paced, you do not have to feel stressed out about rushing to get them completed.

Connection and Support Network:  Your spouse or partner loves you. Your boss may like you, and many of your friends might think you are great, but they may not fully understand the challenges that you experience and what you are going through. This is where getting involved with a network of other adults with dyslexia/LD may provide that certain level of understanding which you desire. Feeling understood, like someone “gets you” for who you are, can make a big difference in your life. Do a Google search for local dyslexia/LD groups in your area for face to face support or consider forming and leading your own if there are none in your area. 

Utilizing the many online Dyslexia/LD forums, organizations, Facebook groups and pages is another way to begin to connect with others, to share your thoughts and feelings, and to provide feedback to and feel validated by others. Headstrong Nation’s Facebook Page is a place where we hope you will feel welcomed and supported by other community members with dyslexia/LD: www.facebook.org/headstrongnation. 

If you are a parent of a child with dyslexia/LD who needs support, your states local Decoding Dyslexia Chapter FB page or website can provide you with information on how to make contact with other parents: www.decodingdyslexia.net. Another great place to connect with other parents in a chat forum is through Learning Ally’s Parent Chat on FB, which is a closed, moderated chat: https://www.facebook.com/groups/LearningAllyParentChat .

Caring for your physical and emotional health will help you to deal with your stress to keep you at your best. So as you love and care for others, take the time to love and care for yourself too! You are worth it! 

We'd like to invite you to donate to Headstrong Nation to help us to fulfull our mission for the adult dyslexic.  DONATE HERE. Like us on Facebook,  Follow us on Twitter, Pinterest, YouTube, and Instagram.   Thanks for your support!  - The Headstrong Nation Team

Self Advocacy in Three Steps: Part Three - Getting What you Need

In Self-Advocacy Part Three: Getting What you Need, I will discuss some tips on how to communicate your needs and request accommodations in college and the workplace as a student or employee with a disability.

Disclosure and Request for Accommodations in The College Environment

If you have disclosed to your college office of disability services, you will be asked to fill out paperwork to request accommodations and will be required to submit documentation (an example would be a psycho-educational evaluation assessment) indicating proof of disability. It is best to initiate this process as early as you can. Visit the website of your college and contact the office directly to see what is offered in terms of assistive technology, learning support, tutoring, etc. Once you are approved for accommodations it is a good idea to set up meetings with your professors during their office hours. This is a time to review your accommodations and specific needs with your instructor. It is important to establish a collaborative relationship by reaching out, discussing your interests, your strengths, and your desire to perform at your best as a student in the course. Keeping the lines of communication open between you and your instructors and doing your part by knowing your rights and keeping informed goes a long way. You may read more on your rights and responsibilities from Ed.gov HERE 

Disclosure and Request for Accommodations on the job  

Have you disclosed your disability to your employer? The decision to disclose your disability to your employer is a personal one. According to the ADA (Americans with Disabilities Act), in order to benefit from the ADA and the Rehabilitation Act, you must disclose your disability since an employer is only required to provide work-related accommodations to those who disclose their disabilities to the appropriate individuals in the workplace. To read more on disclosure, visit the US Department of Labor website HERE.  Your employer may request that you provide him with proof of your disability, (psycho-educational evaluation) or other documentation, so it is important to find out which types of documentation your employer is willing to accept as proof and which type of provider you'll need to seek out to obtain this documentation if you have not yet done so.  

As you begin to broach the subject of accommodations with your employer, it may be helpful to understand the ways in which he best communicates. Does your employer generally prefer face to face conversations, e-mail memos, or phone calls?  Think about your own preferred style of communication.  What are you most comfortable with?  Have you researched and are you clear about the requests you would like to make?  Are they reasonable? It is important to convey your message in an organized and respectful way.  Preparing a list of talking points in advance can help you to prepare yourself.  It will be helpful to maintain a positive and professional manner as you seek to inform your boss about your need for accommodations.  Framing your requests in a way which indicates that the accommodation will help you to function at your best is more positive than merely complaining about your struggles and how you cannot manage your job well.  Focusing on your strengths and communicating them throughout the conversation is key.  Asking your employer to outline his expectations of you and requesting that he help you to explore possible solutions is a more proactive and collaborative way to communicate with him.

Ask JAN (Job Accommodation Network), offers a guide to help you with this process.  You may read and download the guide HERE  

When it comes to requesting accommodations in college or on the job, it’s important to be an effective self-advocate.  Knowing yourself, focusing on your strengths, effectively communicating what you need, and describing how these supports will help you to be the best that you can be in school or on the job will help to position you for success!

Recommended Resources:

Department of Education Website: Students with Disabilities Preparing for Post-Secondary Education -  http://www2.ed.gov/about/offices/list/ocr/transition.html 

Department of Labor Website - Youth, Disclosure, and the Workplace. Why, When, What, and How - http://www.dol.gov/odep/pubs/fact/ydw.htm

Job Accommodation Network Website (JAN) - Employees' Practical Guide to Negotiating and Requesting Reasonable Accommodations Under the Americans with Disabilities Act (ADA) - https://askjan.org/EeGuide/IIRequest.htm

We'd like to invite you to donate to Headstrong Nation to help us to fulfull our mission for the adult dyslexic.  DONATE HERE

Like us on Facebook,  Follow us on Twitter, Pinterest, YouTube, and Instagram.   Thanks for your support!  - The Headstrong Nation Team

Self Advocacy in Three Parts: Part Two - Know your Needs

If you are an adult with dyslexia or another LD,  and you've obtained a formal evaluation, you may have a very clear idea of what types of supports you may need in an academic setting or on the job.  If you have not obtained a formal evaluation, you may still have a pretty good idea based on the struggles you experience and how they impact on your life.  Are you overwhelmed with the amount of text and reading requirements that you have on the job?  Do you struggle with spelling or getting your thoughts down on paper in email correspondence or in report form?  You may have developed some daily work-a-rounds too, in an attempt to manage at home, but perhaps you haven't explored using these same tools at the workplace or in your college classes.  

Assistive Technology can help

Many dyslexics find the use of assistive technology valuable.  Assistive Technology, or AT, may be defined as any item, piece of equipment software product or system which is used to increase, maintain, or improve the functional capabilities of an individual with a disability. It does not include a medical device which is surgically implanted or the replacement of such a device.  Assistive technology can be low tech, moderate or high tech.  A highlighting pen is an example of a low tech choice, a moderate or high tech tool might be an electronic spell checker or speech recognition software.

Some adults are unsure of where to start with assistive technology and are reluctant to embrace it.  If you are interested in exploring assistive technology and learning how it may be of help to you on the job or in the higher ed setting, visit Jamie Martin's Assistive Technology website HERE.  

Try this exercise.  Jot down any tools that you currently use that help you to manage on a daily basis. This might be a spell checker, a built in text to speech on your phone or another item.  Also jot down any tools you may have seen or heard about but havent tried yet that you'd like to explore.  A sample list might look like this: 

• I find it easier to record notes in the class or at business meetings.
• I find I work best with digital notes in doc. form that I can refer to and a text to speech product with.  
• If notes are in PDF form, the use of an OCR (Optical Character Recognition) app or scanner is helpful to me to prepare text for text to speech.
• I find it easier to jot down key points and graphics when I take notes in meetings or in lectures so a note taking device like a note taking pen might be helpful.
• I need to sit in the front of the meeting room close to the presenter or in the front of the class during a lecture for better focus.
• Background noise really bothers me, so the use of noise cancelling ear-buds or headphones would help me to concentrate on my work. 
• A Screen Reader and/or text to speech software program would help me to access text more efficiently. 
• Calendar apps on my phone and desktop help me to stay organized. 
• A voice to text program for professionals might help me to effectively keep up with email and written correspondence on the job or to write papers for class. 
• Spell checkers, word prediction software and grammar checkers would help me to function best. 
• Apps to help me to stay on task (timers, etc...) might help to increase my productivity. 

Recommended Resources: 

Jamie Martin's Website - http://www.atdyslexia.com/assistive-technology/

Headstrong Nation's Strength and Attitude Assessments - http://headstrongnation.org/adults/map-your-dyslexia

Self-Advocacy in Three Parts: Part One - Know Thyself - http://headstrongnation.org/community/blog/self-advocacy-three-parts-1-k...

Self-Advocacy in Three Parts: Part Three -Getting What you Need - http://headstrongnation.org/community/blog/self-advocacy-three-steps-3-g...

Originally published November 23, 2015 on MariauxArt.com

I loved books, I loved stories and I wanted to read—I just couldn’t read like other kids. I worked so hard to read that I lost the meaning of what I was trying to read. My book larva gnawed away at me while sat there stuck in an easy-reader—even when others had put their books away—I still labored over words.

Normal readers had a cute little bookworm friend that had little round glasses that were too big for its pudgy little face. It had a nerdy, feeble but kind warble in its voice that politely reminded them to, “read more books.” My bookworm was more like botfly larva. It bored into my head the significance of reading and every time I tried to read, it fed off my delicious inadequacies and bore deep into my sub-conscience that, “books aren’t meant for you.” The teachers said my only cure was to, “read more books.” In those days, no one knew I was dyslexic, but they did recognize that I had a different learning style

I was outwardly intelligent, social, and likable. Eventually I was labeled, “unteachable”—” lazy”—” unmotivated.” I struggled with reading in first grade. In second grade it became apparent that I had a learning disability. Third grade, I hit a wall. The school wanted to send me to a mobile home that sat on the school grounds. I’d sit with a teacher and a few severely disabled children. There was no help for me, and the environment was devastating to my self-esteem. My mom took me out of school and homeschooled me. My parents had no money, and no other educational alternative.

My homeschool years were hardly perfect, but they were liberating years for me. I spent a great deal of my time outdoors. We lived on five wooded acres in the rural countryside of Missouri. I was sure I was going to become an artist someday. I painted pictures, wrote short stories and plays. My mom read me book after book—all the classics. When she wasn’t reading, I was listening to the BBC book of the week on the radio. My little brother and I would lay on the floor and listen. I often drew pictures, painted and colored while listening to books. We were ear reading. Our ability to comprehend was phenomenal. I didn’t feel my limitations, I only felt that all was possible in my isolated world of Narnia, The Hiding Place, Lord of The Rings, Great Expectations, Roll of Thunder Hear My Cry—my little brother, and my loving and supportive parents.

 Eventually, I was put into a small school in our church. My parents were open to trying other options and they were always hopeful that something would work. My little brother and I were publicly humiliated (my brother was physically disciplined) by our teachers. They didn’t know about our dyslexia and neither did we. We took the licks and just assumed we were the problem. This was a big burden for small backs. Back then humiliation was a tactic used to motivate. The educators in this school simply believed we weren’t trying. Try as we might, we just didn’t fit. We were abruptly taken out of this school and homeschooled again. My mom wasn’t a teacher and never intended to be. She did her very best. She inspired me—helped me keep my chin up. Only now do I understand her full-time dedication.

After taking an independent drivers education course, I decided I wanted to try and go back to school. I wanted to be around my peers—normal kids. I felt like I was missing out on the world. I was curious and very naive. I went into public high school my sophomore year. I struggled and failed. The shame I felt was unbearable, but I kept a poker face and most of my friends never knew my struggles. At first, teachers looked at me to be a nice addition in their classroom. I was very bright, forthcoming and effervescent about my willingness to learn. I sat in the front row and made eye contact. “Teach me—I want to learn.” I let them all down. Worksheets got the better of me as did and timed testing. The daily anxiety was a shock to my senses. One by one, each teacher stopped making eye contact with me. They looked through me, and I knew they had given up on me. While on my way to the place where the “D” word goes, I slid through the cracks and into a horrible gray world that whispered, “you’re nothing. Why even try? You’ll let them all down. You’ll let yourself down. You’re not normal, you’re not kidding anyone.”

The day I left school for good, I was told by my guidance counselor that, “school wasn’t for everyone.” I believed him. I always took his final words as a warning to stay away. I was an impostor who was trying to steal an education, an education that belonged to the “normal kids.” It was a relief to finally walk away from it all.

I have always carried my ignorance like a bag of stones around my neck, hidden under my clothes, disguised by my outward appearance and layered beneath my god given talents. In school I suffered—horribly. No teacher proved me wrong. No one teacher became my hero or my mentor. My profound and confusing ignorance was never refuted—so it must be true. I presented a problem, and they had no solution. The “experts” didn’t even have a solution.

Even though there wasn’t any help for me back in those days, I still took solace in the possibility of a small identity, a word that kept me from taking it all into my inner-self. That word was, “dyslexia.” It was a word that was merely said to me in passing, but I intuitively latched onto it. Here’s why the word dyslexia was so important to me, it became a “thing” it wasn’t me. It wasn’t my fault. It was this thing and it had a name. Once I had a name, I was able to begin to pull the shame away from myself—I pulled it right out my chest like a ball of unraveling kite string. It was in this way that I attempted to bury my school years and move forward with my life.

I discovered myself, my hidden secret talents that I had always had—sort of like Dorothy and her ruby slippers. I began to focus on my life and not my struggle. I started painting, and through a lot of incredibly hard work, my surroundings filled with large scale abstract paintings. I found my joy and creativity. I didn’t know or care how my work would be perceived. I didn’t ask for permission. I focused on one thing, and that was my art.

My paintings eventually reached a man I had known for years, and it brought him home from his world travels. We got married. We had a little boy. Little did I know that I was going to have to unearth my dyslexia and my painful school years all over again—only this time through my son’s educational experiences.

Thirty-four years after hitting my own academic wall, I found myself advocating for my son. There I was, sitting in a blue plastic child-sized chair in front of two educators who were were trying to decide if they believed dyslexia even existed. As they sputtered and groped to use any word other than dyslexia, a curious thing happened—I began to disappear. First I couldn’t see my hands, then I watched my lap go up in a thin veil of vapor. I believe for a moment that I was only a pair of blinking eyes. No one noticed, but I almost disappeared into that place where the “D” word goes—that place that exists in all teacher’s lounges—that secret place all “unknowns” and “unteachables” go. I went into the dark locker of library-silent oblivion and neglect. Luckily for me, I had done my homework. I had a great deal of science, evidence and over thirty years of research to back my position. I also carried with me, a formal dyslexia diagnosis. Almost as quickly as I had disappeared, I returned to my tiny seat in front of two very serious educators who seemed oddly threatened that I might know something that they did not.

Red-faced and flustered, they spoke without relevance, “look at you! You’re fine! You had an LD and turned out okay! What are you worried about?” Unfiltered myths and misinformation came flowing out of their mouths, “we don’t hear that word nowadays, they diagnose better now.” I realized they only knew dyslexia to be a term they shouldn’t use, but they didn’t know what it was. They would never admit that. You see, by admitting that they didn’t know something, they would inevitably disappear into a thin veil of vapor starting with their fingertips until nothing would be left but their blinking eyes. If they admitted they didn’t know something, they would lose their power. They would never want to be in that vulnerable position—because truth be told, losing one’s power is painful. It’s damning. It’s demeaning. It’s dark. They wouldn’t like this.

Not long into my son’s fourth grade year, there came this soft suggestion, “maybe this school isn’t the right fit for your child.” They were right, it wasn’t. We pursued other possibilities.

I didn’t know quite what to do, but promised myself that my child’s dyslexia story would not be mine. I promised myself that his story wouldn’t have unnecessary sadness, or soul crushing adversity when it came to his education. I promised to find the teachers who knew that dyslexia is real—who would see him—and teach him.

One cold January morning, I lead my son up to a new pair of double doors. He anxiously opened one and hesitated in the doorway. Then, I watched him bravely step over a threshold and into a story of his own.

Read Mary’s personal blog and view her beautiful and inspiring art at MariauxArt.com. 

Headstrong Nation Mission Statement - Headstrong Nation is a movement dedicated to a radical new approach to dyslexia. We empower adult dyslexics to own their dyslexia, to understand it, and to develop new ways of learning and working based on their individual profiles.

We would like to invite you to join us as a member, as we need your support to help us to fulfill our mission for the adult dyslexic. Please consider donating to Headstrong Nation HERE: https://www.razoo.com/us/story/Headstrong-Nation.  Please like us on Facebook, follow us on Twitter and Pinterest and visit our YouTube Channel.  Thank you very much!  - The Headstrong Nation Team